The psychosocial task of adolescence and early adulthood is identity achievement—finding out who one is. For the male, adolescence is a period of great change, both physically and psychologically, as he relinquishes his identity as a boy and begins to take on his new identity as a man.

His identity, or his sense of self, is achieved through a self-reflective process by which the adolescent attempts to learn about himself through an understanding of his personal history, his place in the world and his possibilities for the future. This process of self-reflection is also a spiritual one. In the words of St. Anthony of Egypt: “For all who know themselves know that they are of one immortal substance.”

The process of identity achievement for an adolescent male usually takes up the whole of his teenage years, and often extends into early adulthood. It involves:

• deciding on and preparing for a future occupation;
• taking responsibility for himself and his actions;
• seeing himself in a socially acceptable role that embodies his own values and those of his community;
• being faithful to his commitments.

Identity achievement is a relational process as well as a subjective one. The adult generation has an important role to play in the identity struggles of adolescent children. Research shows that parents who clearly signal their ideals and values to their adolescent children, and who relate well to them, help them very much in the task of achieving personal identity.

One of the ways a father can assist his adolescent son achieve a secure sense of identity is to tell him the story of his birth and early infancy. For the vast majority of teens hearing this story, and hearing about how their parents felt about them, can give them a repository of basic hopefulness that will sustain them as they make their way into adult- hood. The story of the son’s unremembered self suggests a new future self he could shape for himself. In this session, the fathers share these stories with their sons. (Note: Special provisions are needed for teens attending the program with mentors. The mentor will need to meet the boy’s mother to learn the story of his birth and infancy, so that it can be shared during the session.)

Another aspect of identity achievement is the ongoing process of recognising and claiming one’s deepest aspirations. One of the important things a person does during adolescence is daydream about who he could be. In this way, he “tries on different hats” in his imagination and begins to work out what he aspires to. For instance, he might imagine himself as an actor, or a professional athlete, or a businessman, or a priest, or a father and so on. These aspirations are one way in which he begins to define himself. As he sifts his aspirations, discarding some and settling on others, they begin to shape his life and direct his actions, drawing him on. It is critical that the adolescent male not live out his father’s ambitions for him, or anyone else’s either. This session is designed to help each of the sons reflect on his life story and look at where he wants his life to lead.